Friday, July 17, 2009

Penultimate dream

Two days straight
I stayed quiet
Lost in thought
All yours.
On the third,
I thought not of you
And since then
I have not thought.

Of those days we laughed
Shared and cared
And loved.
Of the time we spent
On grass, in water
In the moonlight together
I have not thought.

I shall not dwell
On when you'll be here
For you will be here
Tomorrow.
And then we shall live
All those days
Again, those evenings
Together.

22 comments:

Nakki said...

Wonderful poetry. Simple and touching :)

Meghana Naidu said...

finally. poetry ;)

'Simple and touching' is what i think too :)

somehow doesn't leave me with a sense of warmth, EVEN though the last lines appear to literally indicate it.
there is something in the structure that suggests otherwise.
is that so or is it just my despondent mind?

and no jargon, no theatrics! which is becoming so so rare to find.

Akshata said...

@ Nakli:

Thank you. :)

@ Architect:

Umm. I don't know. :|
This is my first time with non-fictitious poetry. That is probably why it lacks 'drama'.

Vinay Hegde said...

Nice. :)

Reminded me of some songs from The Beatles. Plain and beautiful. :)

Kertz said...

Good to see you trying this :)

From a critic's point of view, there's a lot of room for improvement. Walk or jump around the theme and see if you can write it differently. I'm sure you can do better :)

Akshata said...

@ Hegde:

Thank you. :)

@ Kertz:

Thank you. :) I do not want to jump around the theme, though. When you jot down exactly how you feel about somebody, jumping around the theme just isn't the way to go. :)

Meghana Naidu said...

but thats a good thing i meant!
both the fact that it doesnt leave "me" with a sugary-pop feeling an that its devoid of theatrics.

non-fictitious poetry, sticky subject, ;)

purab said...

Am i the only one who understood it to its exactness? :-p
Keep writing poetry..youre an artist..i've said it before. :-)

Kertz said...

Ah ok... :|

Anonymous said...

Yes,tomorrow is another day.Let's hope against hope.
-Santosh

Merin Mandanna said...

Mirror.
...
..

I NEED TO *SEE* YOU!
:,(

Praveen said...

I loved it. :)
Simple and beautiful.
..
That McDonald's burger will feel honoured. :P

Akshata said...

^
B-)

Matangi Mawley said...

That was really sweet!
Nice blog u ve here!

pushkar said...

that felt nice
looking forward to the next bit of your poetry

Sorcerer said...

good one..good one

Karthik said...

Visited your blog because I was sleepy. I am not going to say it woke me up, but at least it made me smile. Awesome poem, little sister. I hope you stay this happy. :)

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Meghana Naidu said...

darrrling, get word verification.

dont be the singular cause for Viagra scarcity in these areas.

;)

Akshata said...

I like reading them. Hilarious! :D
Faain. Will add word verification.

Aravind said...

awesome....very simplistic...:)

Anonymous said...

Do you read poetry? :)